Give up on me? I haven't posted in awhile...but my faith journal is full of hand-written stories and my prayer journal if full of so many names these days. Though I haven't shared here on this blog for a very long time, God has been at work by the SECOND in my life these past few months. And He is so amazing. Just so...amazing.
I'll share a small story about Robert. I'm always very hesitant and cautious about sharing my experiences with giving to the homeless for fear that the hearer or reader will give ME the glory. I am never the party in these experiences that deserves the glory. Never. It's always God moving upon my heart by the Holy Spirit, urging me to change my selfish heart and causing me to see how I really am in comparison to how He wants me to be.
So consider this a confession of my selfishness rather than a glorious story of giving. I urge you to see God at work in this little story...and how He can change our hearts when we are open to it. This is an account of how I "hear" and "feel" the Holy Spirit move upon my heart...
So. Robert. A man I didn't know...but had prayed for on this particular day. God knew him. And God had a very special plan for Robert...through me...on this amazing Monday morning.
"Lord, use me as an instrument to do Your will today. Help me be your servant, and be a witness for You in my day today".
As usual, I was busy that morning with a full agenda. I needed to do some quick errands before digging into my hectic workday deadlines. So off I went, with a timeline in mind. I gave myself until 10am to get back.
I was actually on time and almost done! I was driving down Sunrise Boulevard and there, in the corner of my eye, I could see a man sitting on the corner in a grassy area with a cardboard sign and a few belongings next to him.
It was an unusual site because this was a nice part of town, in a shopping district. Not a place where you would normally see a homeless beggar.
Turn around, Teri. Please turn around. Now? But I'm in a hurry! I need to get back to my computer Lord! You know how much work I have to do today!
Ugh. The nudging was still there. So turn around I did.
I drove down the side street off the main boulevard and rolled my window down, talking to him through the passenger side. He walked up to my window. I dug in my purse...change, only change and a few dollar bills.
ME: Here are a few dollars and some change...I would give you more if I had it with me...
HIM: Oh, thank you m'am. Thank you so much.
ME: (noticing that he seemed, well, normal. Just down on his luck...and normal) God loves you, and He blessed you with these few dollars this morning...please know that He is the one who is blessing you today.
HIM: Oh, yes, I know! He is so good! I...well...I had my bible that was in my backpack...it was full of handwritten notes and I had it for years and years...it...it was just stolen (hanging his head low...very sad...visibly distraught). Someone just stole my backpack a few minutes ago and it had my bible in it...I couldn't believe that they took my backpack. It didn't' have much in it...but my bible was in there...
ME: Oh...I'm so sorry! That's horrible! Can I ask you, what happened in your life that you are out here, on the streets? (My curiosity always gets the better of me...and I have a deep hunger to know WHY these people end up like this...homeless)
HIM: Oh. (he seemed surprised that anyone cared) I just...got so...down, I guess. I lost my job. Lost my family. And my cousin died suddenly. I just couldn't get my life back together. But I'm working on it. I want to get my life back. It just got so bad and so hard. I have been sleeping outside...I have a sleeping bag tucked behind Denny's Restaurant in the bushes...I just pray no one stole that too...but God is good. I heard about a church that helps people like me---I can actually help them wtih a program for homeless people and in turn they'll help me with food and shelter. I think I'll check it out!
Help him, Teri. You can help him with a small deed. Go buy him a bible. What?! right now?! Seriously?! Me?! But I...I'm in a hurry Lord!
ME: How long will you be here on this corner this morning?
HIM: Who me? (surprised...as if to say..."do I look like I have any pressing plans?!") All day! Or until the sunsets anyway...
ME: I'd like to buy you a bible. There's a Barnes & Noble right here, so if you'll stay here for a few minutes, I'll go do that for you.
HIM: (eyes were HUGE, like saucers) You...will? Really? YES! I'll be here! I'll be here all day! (then, quietly) A man was here earlier...said he had an old bicycle he would give me but I haven't seen him yet. I will be here all day, waiting for that bike. And now, a bible! (smiling, sincerely elated...but a bit unbelieving, like I wouldn't be coming back, much like the man with the bicycle).
So off I went. Crazy. Me...off to buy a homeless man a bible at the Barnes & Noble. Crazy. And I felt so...ALIVE! So GOOD! I felt so...completely selfless, full of love and compassion for a human I didn't even know! And...so unaware of the time and my schedule and my pressing deadlines.
I found the perfect bible. It was small and compact. And it was only $9.00. Who would ever think that the very book that GIVES LIFE and PURPOSE and MEANING to your existence would only be $9.00 these days?
So I paid for it and started walking out the door to my car.
Buy him a backpack too, Teri.WHAT!?! SERIOUSLY?! A backpack too!? But Don and I are really trying to watch our spending in this crazy economy, Lord...You KNOW our finances, we're being so careful these days!
It didn't matter. The nudging was still there.
So...I turned back to go to the Long's Drugstore next door. I walked through the doors and seriously, right in front of me was an aisle of "school backpacks" for SIXTY PERCENT OFF! 60%!!!!! They were all Barbie backpacks and Spongebob backpacks and Spiderman backpacks...but there, all alone, singled out and just hanging there on a hook was a simple, black backpack. I grabbed it.
Fill it Teri. Fill it? FILL IT? With what? With what Lord?!
I found myself meandering the aisles, amazed that Longs Drugstore had a mini-grocery section these days, much like Target. So I bought some snacks...trail mix, nuts, energy bars, crackers, water.
A toothbrush and toothpaste. WHAT?! Please tell me You aren't going to ask me to buy him a house too, Lord. (I felt like a defiant child at that moment...I asked Him to forgive my human-ness).
I found a travel-size toothbrush and toothpaste kit for .99 cents.
I sat in my car, completely amazed at the workings of the Lord. In awe, actually. I pulled off the price tag of the backpack and filled it with the snacks, water, toothbrush...and the bible. I opened it and filled in the page that says "TO...FROM...OCCASION".
TO: "one of God's children".
FROM: "Teri F."
OCCASION: "Just because God loves you. YOU. And He always has and always will".
I wanted to SPEED back to his little corner of the world...there on the busy boulevard. I couldn't wait to give him what God had blessed him with this day! I was half worried he would be gone...and smiled to myself. "Where in the world would he go running off to, this homeless man with no plans or deadlines today?!"
There he was. I drove up to the side the curb, rolling my side window down to pass God's gift to him through the window. He saw me...bent his head (as if he was praying a sigh of relief and thanks) and then slowly walked to my car...in disbelief it seemed.
ME: Well, God is very good. Very, very good. He impressed me to buy you a backpack with a few snacks...and a bible is inside.
HIM: (huge eyes, stunned, slightly shaking his head. He bent his head, and began to weep, softly) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can't believe it! Thank you so much. Thank you so very much.
ME: (also weeping, at the sheer experience of it all) No. Not me. If it were me, I would be at my computer right now working. It was God, moving upon my heart. He loves you. He cares about you. He cares about every detail of your life. (he was still softly weeping) Can I ask, what is your name? I want to pray for you every day of my life.
HIM: Robert. My name is Robert. And what is yours?
ME: Teri.
HIM: Can I share a scripture with you? Psalm 30:11
ME: (making a mental note to look that scripture up when getting home). Thank you Robert...and I also wrote one down for you in the first page of your bible with a note. I'll be praying for you.
I drove off. And IMMEDIATELY when I drove off a scripture came into my mind:
"For I was hungry, and you gave Me food. I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink. I was a stranger, and you took Me in...for whatever you did to the least of these brothers of mine, you did to Me." Matthew 35-40
It would appear that Robert was the one blessed by God...and he was. But God continually amazes me in how multi-dimensional He is and how every life experience affects EVERYONE involved. I can't help but believe that I was blessed even more from meeting Robert and having an opportunity to be used to make a difference in someone's life.
I was much richer that particular night as I laid my head on my soft pillow...the same night that Robert dug his sleeping bag out of the bushes behind the Dennys Restaurant parking lot.
Two people in the world, with two very different lives. But the same God. A God who is faithful, loving and patient even with the most selfish of His children.